Like a butterfly.


Assalamualaikum w. b. t.
Hai! Hehe. Lamaaaaaa sangat sangat lama tidak post d blog ni. Actually ada juga post but I didnt publish it. Biar jadi draft ja. Lagipun whats the point of posting pun..eventhough teda yang baca blog ni, but I somehow feel satisfied when I wrote what I'am currently feeling.

I've quit my job 1 and a half weeks ago. Why? Because that workplace is my ex's family business. Lol. We broke up and I stayed there for about 6 months +. I quit bcause I no longer want to have any relation with anything/anyone that relates to my ex.

Yala, dia xlama lagi mau kawin. So why should I stay kan? Why should I be close with his family when he's no longer single and available. Lol. Lagi-lagi bila dia mau kawin suda, or might be dia sebenarnya suda kawin. Hmmmm. Mu curiosity level setinggi langit suda tertanya pasal tu. Frankly speaking, I might still have a tiiiiiny feeling towards him. Yes, I might have. Sebab saya sendiri x sure saya masi suka/sayang dia ka, atau perasaan ni actually hanyalah ego yang sakit hati sebab dia buat saya gini. Oleh sebab itu, saya mau dia rasa bersalah/menyesal sebab break up dulu.

Why I said it might be my ego? Bcause...come to think of it..I would not want him to be my so-called future husband. I dont want him and he's not suitable to be part of my family. I dont know why but I really do not want him. Eventhough macam...saya sayang dia, but ntah la.. He's not someone that I want, which makes me feel blessed for breaking up with him. No, I'm not saying that I broke up with him, he broke up with me for his ex gf. Jerk? Yeshh memang macam jerk. But I am thankful he's not the one. Sebab tu la saya rasa, I might still have  this perasaan tidak puas hati dengan dia bcause of ego. Sebab, kalau dia mau balik, saya xmau. Hmmmm. And I hate this kind of feeling bcause I feel like I am an evil person for wanting him to experience what he did to me. Thats why I honestly hope he'll be happy with his fiancee/spouse whatever. Hahaha. Bcause I wanna let go this evil feeling inside me. Satu sebab ja la kenapa saya mau sangat dia rasa bersalah, sebab dia xpernah minta maaf secara ikhlas atas apa yang dia buat ni. He points out all my weaknesses as a reason to break up padahal dia yang berubah hati. & I helped his family a lot, and he didnt even apologies or thank me for what I did. Dia masi dengan perangai ego dia, macam la dia hotsetaf like saya yang terkejar kejar dia. Maybe 1-3 months pertama after breaking up, I might still have a feeling for him and I want him back. Tapi selepas itu, perasaan tu macam makin hilang. So he shouldnt be treating me like some lowly person. I still helped his family, especially his mom. So he shouldnt be that evil to me. Tapi nda apa la. Sometimes orang begitu, we should just forget what he did bcause thats how he is. Kita mampu memaafkan ja dan ikhlaskan hati untuk kasi maaf sebab why should we have that one black dot in out heart just because of someone like that kan. And why should we waste our happiness just because of a guy like him.

I really want to refer him as a "jerk" but I dont feel like I have the authority to call people that way. He might be a jerk to me, but he is a nice son towards his mother and a nice boyfriend/fiance/spouse towards his girlfriend/fiancee/spouse. Hahaha. Eventhough I dislike him for making me feel this way, but I still respect him because I know he is a kind person. But still, saya tidak mau dia juga. Saya cuma kecewa ja dia tidak pernah minta maaf secara ikhlas sebab dia jahat tu. Tu ja.



And so, this is the end of my heartfelt post today. Thanks for reading. Bye~