20 going 21

Assalamualaikum w. b. t , hello guys! :D
I'm officially 21 years old today. sobsobs.
Makin meningkat umur makin dekat ajal. Jeng jeng jenggg.
So hari ni jam 12 lagi kena wish birthday oleh kawan dan kawan. Haha.
Then jam12 tengah hari kawan-kawan bawa lunch di Alamesra.
Dorang plan tu lagi awal ba, so direct buat mini birthday celebration and mini reunion la konon.
I'm so blessed having them as friends. :')




(Friends since highschool til now and still counting <3 )

Seriously, I'm so blessed having them as friends. 
Ini baru sikit ni sebab yang lain kan study di semenanjung, so x dapat kumpul ramai-ramai.
Who knows kan persahabatan dari sekolah menengah bole kekal sampai sekarang. Sweet gilers. Haha
& I don't think I can ever replace them with anyone else.
I've lost someone I love, broken blablabla but they are the ones that always been there for me. So why do I need to feel lonely kannn.
(Ni especially untuk kawan perempuan la, bukan lelaki. Heeh)
I don't need any presents for my birthday, having them is enough.
Titik.




And these peoples. My sleepover partner(s), my forever rajalawak. Luls.

Masa tengah sedih-sedih hari tu (pfftttt sedih la sangat kan. eww), dorang la tukang membahagiakan diri. Wahaha.
We spend time together at Nisa's place, watching and talking about horror scary movies/stories, talking about some private stuffs, about life, about youtube, about everything! I really love them!
And I miss them so muchhhh! Mini sleepover lagi nanti bila sorang lagi ahli balik sini. Yeay. Complete!


So pengalaman hidup dari 18 sampai 21 tahun ni banyaaaak sangat.
Dari yang sedih sampailah happy. Sampai satu tahap tu terasa macam teda guna bersedih ni sebab in the end, the sun will shine. Cewah.
Betul la, Allah xkan bagi kita ujian kalo kita x dapat handle ujian tu. 
Allah bagi ujian mengikut kemampuan diri dan emosi kita.
Pilihan kita untuk menempuh dengan cara yang baik dan positif atau dengan cara yang kurang baik dan negatif.
Banyak gila pengajaran saya dapat dari umur 18 tahun sampai sekarang,


Kenapa banding dengan umur 18? Cos for me, umur yang saya betul-betul berubah cara berfikir tem 18 tahun la.
18 tahun kan baru masuk Universiti, fikiran masi tidak matang.
Tujuan dan matlamat hidup pun macam teda.. Hmm..
Come to think of it, tujuan dan matlamat hidup saya dulu manada. Haha
Pegi U untuk belajar, dapat diploma and kahwin. 
-- Tu ja saya fikir -_____- haha
Sebab bagi saya, perempuan xperlu keja lepas kahwin. Duduk rumah ja jaga suami. Cewah.
Tem tu begitu la pendapat saya. 
Malangnya semakin umur meningkat, semakin saya faham erti hidup.
Biarpun rasa mau kahwin tu melebihi segala-galanya tapi apakan daya, belum bertemu jodoh. Luls.
So for now, fokus dengan diri sendiri dan masa depan ja la. 
Usaha untuk jodoh & yang lain, biar Allah tentukan. Perancangan Allah la yang terbaik.


I feel so old now -,-
Tapi who cares kan. 21 masi muda. ~.~
Tapi tahun depan 22 da T-T
Nda apa la faraaaa, fokus future ja la. Sudah, tutup cerita jodoh.


Mula-mula masuk diploma dulu kan saya ada la bersama dengan sorang jejaka ni konon.
Classmate. Dari sem 1-sem 6 hubungan kami.
Hujung sem 6 dekat final kami break up.
Sayang kan, sudah bersama hampir 3 tahun tapi putus begitu ja.
Kami putus bukan sebab curang ka apa, tapi sebab memang saya rasa kami tiada persefahaman.
Sedih memang la sedih, mau cerita pun ada sikit rasa sedih juga.
Kecewa terasa, banyaaaak la.
Its like, at that time, I was thinking about our future together but he doesn't think the same.
Dia cuma fikir, berusaha jaga hubungan, ada jodoh kahwin. Teda jodoh, apa ble buat la.
And I was really like "whattttt". Iya la, apa guna ada hubungan begitu kalo tiada perancangan future pun?
Buang masa sangat-sangat, 
Lagipun mama dan ayah pun penah tegur, kalo bercinta, jangan terlalu post d mana-mana social media. Manatau jodoh x panjang, break kan bikin malu. Dan manatau masa tu ada orang mau dekat tapi x berani mau dekat sebab ingat kita suda betul2 berpunya.
Lepas beberapa kali saya kecewa dengan setiaaaaap jawapan dia, akhirnya tawar terus hati.
Lagi-lagi lepas dapat mimpi yang macam petunjuk ni. Luls.
Tapi ok la. Lepas break saya fokus kepada diri, perbaiki segala yang silap dulu.


But then, saya xsuka bila orang rasa kesian.
Kenapa mau kesian pulaaaa.
This is my journey. This is what I have to go through in order to become what I am today.
Sebetulnya bukan dia yang jahat dengan saya.
Saya yang jahat dengan diri sendiri sebab saya yang x pandai sedar.
Dia sangat baik, seriously sangat baik.
Saya yang jahat sebab saya yang tinggalkan dia.
Memangla part of it sebab dia banyak buat saya terasa and langsung nda serius.
Tapikan, I don't need any sympathy.
Sebab saya bersyukur dengan pengalaman hidup selama saya bersama dia.
Banyak ba yang saya belajar dari dia.
Sangat banyak dan tidak terkira.
Sebab tu saya xla terlalu sedih berabis sekarang, he has thought me many things.
& I'm so thankful for getting to know him for a while.
Lepas dengan dia ni la saya tidak berminat lagi dengan hubungan yang tidak pasti, teda perancangan untuk future.
Kenapa mau bcinta kalo sekadar suka-suka kan.
Buang masa sangat.
Now I understand kenapa dulu cikgu and ayah selalu cakap buang masa bercinta masa sekolah menengah.
Rupanya begini maksud dorang.
Kita xkan faham ba selagi belum lalui masa tu.
Everyone yang saya kenal/penah rapat dari dulu sampai sekarang, semua bagi kesan dalam hidup.
In a positive way la. Allah hadirkan orang dalam hidup bukan sekadar untuk bersama ja, ada yang bawa pengajaran. So kena buka mata besar-besar. Tengok pengajaran sebalik perkenalan.



Thats all. Penutup kata, ne gambar:



Renung-renungkan dan selamat beramal~ Tata :)






A new start?

Assalamualaikum w.b.t and hello! :D

Its been about 5 or 6 months I've not written anything here kan? Hehe. I'm busy with life and stuff. So I've been reading all my previous blog post. I said I wanted to work while I'm having a break from diploma kan, but I didn't work at all -,-


I didn't walk the talk. Luls. Masa cuti lepas diploma tu saya jadi driver ja. Driver hantar ambil adik. Pheww. And ofcourse masa tu masa saya mencari diri sendiri. That was the time where I started to respect and love myself. Who can love me more than me kan? We have to love ourself in order to love others.


There's so many mistakes I've made in the past, in the past few months. I've been chasing the wrong person, fall in love with the wrong person, cry for the wrong reason and so on... Its not wrong to do all that. Its just that...I hate to remember those things. It hurts and I feel so stupid -,-


But then... Who am I to hate everything? Those things happens to everyone. Those things is what makes me who I am today. Setiap pertemuan ada pengajaran. Take the positive, leave the negative ones aside. There's a reason behind everything. I'm strong because of what I've been through.


I can make clear decisions because of those hurtful things. I seriously never thought I could make it this far. I was so hurt back then, I thought I couldn't find any happiness in about a year. But I made it. I'm here. I'm not sad nor upset or crying now. I have go through the rough time of my life successfully.


People can be stupid and blind because of love. That's normal. Semua pernah rasa broken heart kan. Its not a great feeling. Not at all. It hurts so much, it feels like the heart is being stab again and again by a very sharp knife, like our heart is being shredded into pieces, like a broken glass thats so broken, it can't be repaired.Seriously it hurts. Feww, I dont wanna go down that path anymore.


Here I am now, living happily as I can be. Oh and I am officially a finance student here in UiTM KK. Alhamdulillah, dapat juga tawaran sambung study kan. Eventhough I dont know what I am going to do with life... but lets see. Perancangan Allah, sepa dapat lawan kan?


HIS plan is so beautiful that I can't wait to know more. Thanks Allah for everything :)



Tata peeps~ Btw, I'm turning 21 by tomorrow. Hikhik. Tua. babai.